A Practice for Difficult Times

As many of us know, practice shows its benefit most during times of difficulty. Here’s a practice for when you’re experiencing difficulty in your life, in a relationship or situation, that is persisting or not resolving for you. 

During your practice time (which could be deep looking meditation or journaling), ask what the underlying unmet need is for you. Look beneath the current difficult situation at the feelings that are arising for you. Does it remind you of another time in your life? Is there something that feels familiar about the feelings coming up for you?

Needs underlie all human behavior and emotions, and they are universal - we all have them. Positive feelings are thought to arise when needs are being satisfied, while negative feelings arise when they are not. The Center for Non-Violent Communication has a (partial) list of universal human needs that could be helpful in identifying both the feelings and the needs that are arising for you in the present difficult situation.

Once you have a sense of what the unmet needs are, during your sitting meditation, invite in what it would feel like if those needs were met. Not the details of what it would look like or what you wish others would do. But the feeling in your body when those particular needs are fulfilled. Inhabit that sensation during your practice for as long as you can, and do this every day for at least a week or longer. For some of us, if it’s a need that wasn’t fulfilled at a very young age, it may be a practice we can do all the time.

What happens after that may surprise you. You may be able to see the situation more clearly, see what you do and don’t have control over. You may be able to understand what you need to do to best care for yourself. Perhaps you’ll feel less triggered and upset by the situation, or even have more compassion and understanding for the other party as well. You may even find that you see ways that those needs are being fulfilled in your life. 

This practice is yet another way that difficulties in our life can ultimately bring us joy when we choose to open to them as a teaching and a gateway to healing.