That Which is in our Power

Author, mindfulness instructor, and professor Liz Stanley defines trauma not as something inherent in an event, but in how the mind and body meet an event. What shifts our minds and bodies from the realm of stress to the realm of traumatic stress is a perception of helplessness, powerlessness, or lack of control over our painful or stressful situation. When we are in the realm of traumatic stress, our “windows” of tolerance get narrowed, which means we have less capacity, are existing less in our more recently evolved “thinking brain” and are instead inhabiting our older “survival brain” centers.

At a time when there is so much in our world and environment we don’t have control over, many people are cycling in and out of, if not continuously inhabiting, this realm of traumatic stress. While this is absolutely understandable at this time, not a sign of weakness or failure - we know that being in a state of traumatic stress reduces our ability to think clearly and show up for ourselves and each other, and has an impact on those around us as well.

Our mindfulness can help us notice if and when we are cycling into this realm of narrowing our window, and do what we can to calm and ground our nervous systems. For many this can simply involve putting down news or our devices for a while and connect instead with nature, pets, loved ones - whatever we feel resources us (vs. “false refuges” which are only numbing distractions and can make us feel worse).

And it can help to focus at least some of our attention to that which we do have control over - namely, ourselves. There is undoubtedly much suffering, in many realms, right now, but making meaning out of suffering is a major way humans transform, grow, and overcome. Asking ourselves questions such as, “What am I learning? What is this moment teaching me - about myself, others, or the world?” Or, Who do I want to be in this moment?” - not as a way to feel bad about how we’re not measuring up, but because our aspirations can be our North Star. “If I were my own parent, how would I help nurture my ‘child’s’ physical, mental, and emotional well being right now?”

What questions help you make meaning of this time, or help you identify the areas in which you do have agency?

You may find the serenity prayer helpful in these times:
“May I find the serenity to accept that which I cannot change,
The courage to change what I can change,
And the wisdom to know the difference between that which I can and cannot change.”