The Spiral of Grief

Once again we are deep into Autumn, the season associated with grief and loss. Over the years of working with patients and living as a human, I have come to understand the process of grieving as a spiral. While there are some losses, “smaller” losses, that we grieve and ultimately find peace with, there are also deep, core losses we don’t actually “get over.” That we are not meant to get over.

These types of losses instead become a part of who we are, a part of our fabric, the matrix in which we experience ourselves and life. Initially, these losses feel devastating, unsurmountable, untenable. These are also the losses that may make those near us very uncomfortable, and can cause us to try to “bury” them, or to believe that we “should” be able to get over them.

But the wisdom inherent in the annual cycle of the seasons brings us, every Fall, the opportunity to sit with, revisist, be with, deepen our relationship with, our core losses. As Winter is the time of deep gestation, and Spring brings us the energy of new beginnings and possibilities, and Summer is the yang-fire of manifesting our visions and our projects - Fall is a time of letting go.

Fall is both harvest season - the time of reaping, and assessing past strategies in hopes of better harvests in the future, and the time of assessing the losses of the year. In thinking of the process of deep grief as a spiral, this time of year is meant for revisiting the core losses and griefs. Not in an overwhelming way - time can soften the edges - but as a way of acknowledging what we carry within us. Dipping back in, but each year, from a different place, because we continue to grow and change.

It is of course not surprising that traditions such as Dia de Los Muertos and All Souls Day are celebrated this time of year, when the energetics of the season hold and reflect that sort of energy.

So, if you find yourself spiralling back around to core losses, know that you are not alone, that is it, in fact, part of the natural cycles of the year.

And, of course, if you are experiencing overwhelming grief, do not sit alone with those feelings. Find a therapist, guide, mentor or close friend to be with you in that process. Acupuncture can also be hugely helpful.

by Kirstin Lindquist, L.Ac.